I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
