So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
