OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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