Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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