she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
