Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
