The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
