I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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