OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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