Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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