i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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