I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
