you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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