I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
