do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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