im drinking this country out of the recession.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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