Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
