remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry my hands just texted you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
