I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
