Where is the hickey?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
