just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
