It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
