he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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