All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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