I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
