I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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