This girl is more easily done than said...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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