where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
