Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
