1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
