She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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