3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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