so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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