O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
