I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
