You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
