Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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