In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
