Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
