2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
