i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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