well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize