you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
