you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
