Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
