you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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