its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
