So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.