hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."