it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.