i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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