thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
be right there i have to get my cape
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.