I think I am morally bankrupt
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
