You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
