Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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