There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
