if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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