im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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