my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
