She said her name was "party"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
