spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
