I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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