Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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