I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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