its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
