drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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