neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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