I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
