Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
