Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
