I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
