he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
