your thong is hanging out like whoa
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
